mediocrity is easy, atrocity is more subtle

So, as I mentioned in this post, I want to try submitting to the Bulwer-Lytton for 2011. The general idea of a pretty amusing sentence came to me the other night when I was trying to go to sleep. I was thinking about the way the sun would find a way to shine in my eyes at the Stone Mountain Highland Games every October, without fail, even though I would wear sunglasses. Then I thought that this kind of thing happened only in October, and then I started thinking about different kinds of sunlight.

Out of basic, random thoughts, a concept was born. Of course, my half-asleep brain came up with a great draft, which I forgot by the next morning. I just tried to recreate it, and this is what I got:

The sun shone down on this particular day in July, not in a mid-May way, the kind of sunshine that is clear and happy and piercing and full of that unbridled hope that one usually only encounters in well-lit romantic comedies, and definitely not in a late October, inescapable, nagging, wrapping around your wraparound sunglasses and rendering you as blind as Stevie Wonder way–no, this sun shone in the sort of way that one might expect a sun to shine in Atlanta on July 23 of any given year; in short, it was hot.

Clearly this needs some work in order to be splendidly awful. Writing badly is so much harder than I had thought! I am so self-conscious/critical about everything that I write (yes, including this awful sentence) that I assumed it would be pretty easy. Nope. Gotta work on this. Luckily, my everyday prose shows that I have the run-on sentence down cold, so at least that’s working in my favor.
ps–I just noticed that I switch from “one” to “you” to “one” and am wondering if I should do something about that. Should it be consistently “one” to add some extra pretentiousness into the mix, or should I keep it as-is because it’s already awful? CHOICES.

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